Tuesday, 8 December 2015



Using public buses in Lagos, especially for long distance trips is just torturous beyond words for me. There is absolutely nothing right with or about them.

To begin, 98% of drivers are suffering from psychosis, under the influence of drugs or (and) alcohol or are possessed by demons. I thought it's teachers' rewards that are in heaven? So why do those drivers act like they are teachers on a mission to get their rewards? And like I told one today, if he is in a haste to die, by all means, Nigeria and the world at large is over populated but I am team #snail on this one. I am not trying to die soon.

In their infinite wickedness, they could take one past one's stop, despite almost rupturing one's lungs and vomiting one's kidney screaming "owa ooo". Or worst still, drop one in the middle of a river like stagnant water (thanks to blocked or no drainages in Lagos) after it rains, with the excuse of "shebi na the bus stop be this" (That day at Ikeja along bus stop wasn't pleasant. It was either walk through the deep, dirty water or.... fly)

The conductors on the other hand are mostly dirty, smelly and rude, like they have a constitution which states how they must appear or be fired. I always avoid sitting at the extreme, close to the conductor because the armpit curse is real. When they begin to collect fares and give change, and their armpit comes over your face, your day will never be the same.

Then while in the bus, one is so squeezed, that sardines in this present economic situation have more room. The compression of humans and overloading bring about intense heat, second only to hell perhaps.

Like the situation is not bad enough, 99% of d buses are in terrible conditions, as they are vehicles from 1759AD. They leak when it rains, no windows or they are stuck. There are dangerous metals out to draw blood, as a result of bashings and no maintenance and as you are preoccupied with safeguarding your belongings from sharp thieves, you have to be bothered about HIV too!

Oh, how about the obnoxious sounds they make and fumes they emit!

Did I forget the "co-passengers"? Hygiene is a big problem for many. Some think because we are in the bus together makes us best friends. Some people even go ahead to fart in already hot and uncomfortable buses. What wickedness!

Then some others just scream so loudly, all in the name of making calls. I just slap them a billion times in my head! Some will cough or sneeze into your face, spit while giving unsolicited advice. Then there are those men or deranged perverts who try to or (and) actually tap current from females.

Now, I know we all can't be slim. Yours truely is a good example, but why must I be at the receiving end, with those bigger people pushing me with their rotund anatomy, almost squashing all my own fat out of me?

Going out in a bus and putting on a white attire is a big mistake cos on arrival to your destination, you and everyone will know it was once white...

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